I ate the chocolate you guys. To me and my old weight loss views that would have been a horrible thing to do. I would have felt guilty that I ruined my healthy eating and probably would have binged on something unhealthier even more and claimed I was too far deep and it's probably best that I just start fresh tomorrow. I ate a piece to settle my craving and it felt good. No, no, it was great because my Aunt Flo was requesting it and it's so hard to not give in to her temptation, but I didn't let it take control! Feeling pretty good about my progress my daughter side swipes me and that very night asks if we could order pizza for dinner. Hmmm, sure why not. I have a salad in the fridge I can throw together. Isn't that hilarious? Actually, thinking I would eat salad over pizza? I ate the pizza too. I only had one slice, but I ate it, and it was delicious too. I absolutely hate counting calories but people it works. Just like I told my 2-year-old when he cried because I refused to blowup his new awesome candy pool in the middle of the kitchen so he could play with it in January, sometimes we can't do things we want and have to do things we don't. I checked my calorie count for the day, figured out the calories in my pizza, then ate it guilt free. Now, I know chocolate and pizza are not healthy and I'm on a mission to be a healthier me, but I am also trying to balance and learn what works for my body and the most important thing is that I stay happy doing it.

Then the next day happened. Oh boy the next day, it was, well, awful. Being the best mom I can be, and simultaneously wanting to punish myself for it, I decided my children were not going to be on screens from sunup to sundown. Of course, what goes on with that? Crying. Lots and lots of crying. As I write this, I think my toddler is just sitting next to me watching his choo choo show but oh no, I look at him and he is coloring all over himself with a marker he found from who knows where. My kids came in from jumping on the trampoline, yep in January but if it burns off energy go for it kiddos, and they immediately tattled on each other for name calling. One came in halfway through because he bit his tongue and jeeze louise the number of times someone has come to me today because of crying whether it be to complain, they got hurt, or they were sad this blog would be a novel. I started to crack up hysterically at myself because just as I was about to tell them all its bedtime, I look at the clock and It's only 5:15 and I would much rather laugh at my situation instead of cry at it. My husband just so conveniently dipped out halfway through the day to go hunting so you know what? I stress ate. I didn't go for my usual "go to" sweet but there was no way carrot sticks were going to do the trick so I aggressively ripped through a few slices of jerky. That was satisfying. Just like I have been all week I wrote my calories in my journal and made sure I stayed within limit.

Things I did this week

• I kept within my calorie count. I'm aiming for 1800. Right now, it's trial and error so this may be adjusted and most likely will need to as my body adjusts.

• I got on my exercise bike 3 times this week. Nothing crazy just 15 to 20 minutes but it got me going and it got me sweating.

• I allowed myself a couple cheats like chocolate and pizza. Was it cheating if I didn't go over my count?

• I weighed myself every day I didn't get mad at myself when the scale went up 3 days in a row because ultimately, I came in under for the week.

• I got back to drinking half my weight in ounces of water

• Gave myself a pat on the back I made it my first week in a lifetime of healthy living

• I remembered to breath and laugh at myself when I thought I was going to lose my shiznit.

When people talk about the number on the scale is just that, only a number, I couldn't agree more. There are so many body types and muscle weighs more than fat but for myself personally, speaking from past experiences, I need a tracker to show progress. In the beginning it's the scale. I also measure myself because when the scale feels like it failed me and that number stayed the same or went up, I can reassure myself and measure to show my progress. I highly suggest to at least measure yourself at the start of your journey. All of my clothes stretch. After wearing maternity clothes for what seemed to be 4 years straight and being a stay-at-home mom, I live in leggings. So, when your clothes start to feel lose it's not the same lose as when you wear jeans every day. You don't have to do what I do, find your own unique ways to track your progress. I could be taking photos or trying on smaller clothes and feel how they are starting to fit more as long it keeps you motivated is key. I'm looking forward to progress mine and yours but for now week one down, lifetime to go. lost.... 4.5 pounds

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