To my shy, socially awkward friends out there, I feel you. From the depth of my soul, I completely understand what it's like to feel nervous, out of place, shy, and awkward when all you really want is to have a good time and enjoy yourself like everybody else.

As I have posted before, it's a new year and a new beginning and I was talking about getting to a healthier me. Along with that, it's not just nutrition and weight loss, it's mental health as well. I have been struggling with being socially awkward all of my life. As long as I can remember I was the shy kid. Yes, I had friends but talking to someone new, holy moly was that terrifying! I remember in third grade there was a new girl coming into our class and I bravely held my hand up to volunteer to sit next to her. That poor girl. We ended up becoming friends, but I didn't talk to her in the beginning. I just sat there and read my books and didn't make her feel welcome at all. She informed me in high school that she thought that was really weird.

Move forward to high school. That was an interesting time, but I was still the same in a way. My heart would race every time we had to get in the front of the class to give a presentation, hoping the teacher would magically forget I was there so I wouldn't have to do it. Put me in a group situation by myself and I just froze. Yet I cared about what I liked more than what others thought of me but not enough to break me out of my shyness. For example, I was a cheerleader. I'm not sure what these young girls do today because my oldest is only 10 but back in the day cheerleaders looked cute. They wore name brand clothes and made their hair look good. My best friend and I on the other hand would decide if we were having a "cute" day or a "comfy" day and 4 times out of 5 were wearing sweatpants and a hoodie to school. I did occasionally wear the name brand clothes but it's not the Abercombie or Hollister you're thinking of it was Billabong, O'Neil, or DC. Yes, that's right I was "skater cheerleader" When I wasn't out there cheering my team on you could find me messing around with my skateboard or playing hackey sack. I used to work at Subway. I remember one time a classmate came in and we were joking around and laughing, and he asked me why I never acted that way in school? That I never talked and was always so quiet. I didn't have an answer but it's very true. Why did I have the confidence to be my true self and just do the things I loved to do in one situation and yet still feel out of place in another?

Everyone reading this that I have related to in one way or another, here is the part where I give you hope. It doesn't have to be that way anymore, but it is going to take some work. It's not always that way for me anymore. Do I still have moments of awkwardness? Yes, but not nearly as much. I am proud to say that the last couple times I volunteered at school I walked into school cool as a cucumber ready to tackle that party. I got a massage and instead of dipping out after I gave her a tip like I normally would have, I sat down and had a 15-minute conversation with her. I talked to the cashier and had a lovely chat while she checked my groceries out instead of standing in silence. I almost paid extra for my bagels, but I talked myself out of it and asked the nice tall gentleman beside me if he could get the ones I wanted down instead. I remember my mom telling me she used to be shy when she was younger but just outgrew it. I had high hopes and I still do. I wouldn't say I am outgrowing it, but I am getting better. I'm working on myself and it's a process but I'm seeing positive results. I started with positive affirmations. There was something to back in the day when teachers would make you write on the chalkboard 100 times. Back then it was for punishment but if you repeat something over and over your mind starts to believe it naturally. I tell myself I am confident. I am successful. I am healthy and fit. I say those every day. Another thing that has helped me tremendously are self-help books. They are inspirational and really can get you motivated to step outside your comfort zone. I know to some, the things that I have accomplished may seem miniscule, but to anyone battling social anxiety you get it and those are big wins. Oh, and if anyone finds those liquid courage pills, please let me know!

Ok, fast forward to adulthood. I'm still the same. Actually, I have gotten worse. I was a server for years. I could talk up a storm to the regulars that came in daily, not be nervous in front of each individual table, but put me in a group, ehhh let me slip to the back where nobody can see me. Now though, I have been a stay-at-home mom for 4 years now and the lack of adult interaction has only increased my social anxiety. I would volunteer for my kids' holiday parties at school and every single one I would get nervous for. I don't care what all these little kids think of me but the parents. I would actually have to talk to other adults. gulp. Then my kids started sports. Oh good heavens would I have to interact with other sports moms? Don't get me wrong I wanted friends! I wanted to sit with all the ladies and talk about anything and everything like besties do but oh no, that's too scary for me.

My husband has been working at the same company for 17 years. 17 years I have been associating with the other wives and yet I would still get nervous to go to his company events. They are all very nice but I'm not in their click and instead of showing up and just having a good time I would shut down and just wouldn't talk... unless I had some liquid courage in me of course. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a pill that gave you that fun and courageous demeanor without the other effects of alcohol? Then there was this one time my son had an end of the year football picnic. Oh boy here we go again. Instead of being like my husband who has always been the life of the party, I just felt unwanted like nobody really cared to talk to me. What did I do? I hung out with the kids and disguised it as if I was keeping an eye on my little one while he played. I mean I was, but I could have socialized while I did it like all the other parents.

My favorite books so far have been Girl Wash Your Face and Girl Stop Apologizing by Rachel Hollis and You are a Badass How to Stop Doubting your Greatness by Jen Sincero. They were both so relatable and easy to read. I read plenty of others, but they weren't page turners like these! I am an affiliate of Amazon, so each purchase is greatly appreciated. More importantly, I hope they can help you step outside your bubble and be a more confident version of the already awesome person you are!